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6 comments:
Damn, dude, are you serious?
I think there's a major misconception out there about "Mr. Nice Guy" - everyone says the "nice guys finishes last" or that women love bad boys. But it's not that women love to be treated badly or that we don't like guys who are nice. I like nice guys. The problem is that there are so many nice guys out there who are so worried about being nice and about making sure the girl likes them, that they don't focus on what they want. And becoming an asshole is not going to get you a nice girl. It will either get you someone with low self confidence who doesn't think she deserves to be treated right, or it'll get you a bitch.
I think it's good to stop worrying about what women think of you. But don't take that attitude into dates or conversations, don't act like you don't care. Because you're going to seriously turn off a lot of women who might otherwise be interested. What you want to do is present yourself AS YOU ARE. Don't ask out someone just because she's pretty (and no, not all women are looking for a rock, which you're suggesting). And if you're rejected, don't let it reinforce any frustration you're having with dating. Just go out and have fun. And if you're rude and go through those fairly necessary initial stages of getting to know someone (yes, this includes chatting, even about family), then you're probably not going to get a second date, unless you come up with another intriguing line of conversation.
I think women should offer to pay their half of a date. But you might also want to consider not going out to a really nice expensive dinner for a first date. Go for coffee, or lunch. Then if you don't like her, you haven't spent a lot of money or time on her, and you go your separate ways. Then save dinner/drinks for a second or third date. And be aware that while many women are perfectly willing to pay their way, it is a cultural thing that guys pay for stuff - the first date or two you can split, but if it keeps getting split down the middle after that, she might think you're just not interested in her (you can always pay one week and then expect her to pay the next time, or one person pays dinner and one the movie). Splitting down the middle is just so awkward.
It's so easy to get frustrated, and I totally hear you on that. But dude, becoming an asshole about it is not the answer. Be nice to everyone, but that doesn't mean be a doormat. It means go after what you want, make your wants and interests known. If you don't get it, that's life. But too many guys equate being nice with doing everything they think a lady wants. And most of us want guys who are confident and do their own thing (without blowing us off).
Are you giving me dating lessons, Raina? :) You really think that I am going to get out there and slap a girl around or call her names? :)
Like I have said, I will continue to be polite to women. I have mentioned suavity and charm as two qualities that I plan on honing. And those are what a woman -- nice girl or a bitch -- will observe in my company. In other words, she may not feel like referring to me as an asshole even after I have disappeared the following morning. Without that cultivated charm, yes, I would likely appear to be a heartless bastard. It is all about perception and I am going to get real good at it.
lol...yeah, sorry :)
Your post just sounded so bitter to like you were giving the finger to women and to dating, so I had to say something! :)
So you're basically planning to hone your playboy no-commitment skills?
"So you're basically planning to hone your playboy no-commitment skills?"
Not sure. I likely will be working on poise and patience with an intent to developing a keen observation of body language, which can also be valuable in areas other than dating (women are readily around in Boston to practice on). Its a project that I plan to execute from a detached point of view. I am not sure if I really want to attempt to bed every girl. If I can bring her over to my roofdeck for a glass of wine, and maybe a little kissing, from wherever I might have met her earlier on that day, I might just let it go at that and save my real "energy" for the woman who I feel has earned it.
In a way, its like treeing a Cougar and then walking away without hurting it. The satisfaction might just be in the chase :)
If it works for you, more power to you. Good luck.
http://moxieblog.typepad.com/moxieblog/2008/07/the-big-trade-o.html
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