Bye, bye bidet

Regardless of whether you are rooting for Biden, you are very likely wondering whether a bidet in your toilet may make an immediate impact to your quarantined lifestyle. Listen, you do not need additional fittings in your toilet. Ok? It is already complicated in there as it is. Instead simply use a general purpose sprayer like the one pictured below. I have been using one of these since time immemorial to.. ah.. occasionally supplement toilet paper.

Here are the advantages:

1. Cheap.. something like $2.
2. Immediately available.. you just need to get it from a hardware store. No need to schedule and wait for a plumber, etc.
3. Lightweight.. even a child can lift it.
4. Portable.. you can keep it out of sight, if you need to. Moving houses? No problem. You are guaranteed the same quality of service at your new place.
5. Zero-maintenance.. Cleaning it (the sprayer, I mean) is easy. No need to worry about a bidet with all its fittings, etc. going bonkers on you.
6. Creativity-possible.. if you want to add a little bit of soap, fragrant oil, etc. to the water in the sprayer, you can do so.

Most of all.. it is guaranteed to leave you clean and feeling awesome. Its hands-free without being hands-free. Think about that! Heck, if you use it at the right angles and with the right amount/frequency of spray, you may not need to use toilet paper at all. Save the environment! All you need is a dry, cozy hand towel to pat yourself dry. Mmm. But.. just make sure you don't use that towel for anything else, ok? And wash it (the towel, I mean) regularly and by itself in soapy water, wring it well and leave it to air dry. Maintain a couple of towels for this purpose.