"As I stand here on this lovely spring day looking out over this sunny vista and your bright, smiling faces filled with hope, I can't help but feel depressed as hell.
While I'm often told that your generation is so much smarter and so much more worldly and wise, I think it's a crock. Mankind obviously learns a lot more with each passing day, but I don't know who came up with the notion that you guys absorbed much of this knowledge.
Nowadays, a general college education is a mighty thin layer of sandwich spread. Sure, they covered all of the bread — tried to expose you to every subject and topic — but the mayo's so sparse you can barely taste it. Of course, there's the old platitude about how the purpose of college is to just teach you how to think.
To this — honored students, faculty, and staff — I say horse piss.
Frankly, most of you remind me of the ducks, and for that matter, the beavers, the turtles, and the frogs."
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